Frustrated!!!!

I'm struggling so hard to get back on track.  I am in tears as I share this blog with you.  I have regained all my lost weight.  I'm so angry with myself.  I'm feeling the hopelessness of what my future holds because of my addiction.  I'm scared that I will be fat and unhealthy till the day I die.  I fear that my life will be cut short due to my addiction.  I usually don't want to quit trying...but today the thought has entered my mind.  I feel beat.  However, with a dedication to better my life, I will keep pushing forward.  I ask for strong prayers!!!

Monday, January 11th, 2010

I started today of with a great workout.  I walked 3 miles...to a dvd.  It is way to cold to do it outside :).  I also did my sit-ups.  I am so glad that I woke up at 5:00 am to accomplish this because all last week I wasn't able to get my workout during the day.  By night, I'm too exhausted from the day's activities to do any workout.  Therefore my best time is early morning.

I fell great for starting my day off in such an energetic way.  Now the key is to continue.  So as not to get bored, Amy has set my workout to be different each day.  I love that!! 

Now my real struggle is the food.  I decided to start my day off with either hard boiled eggs, bacon and grapefruit or oatmeal with raisins.  I will alternate this because these are my 2 favorite breakfasts.  For lunch I plan on having a chicken breast, leftover cheesy potatoes, carrots and an apple.  For dinner, I am making white bean/chicken soup for myself.  This will be a staple lunch or dinner when the rest of the family is eating  a higher calorie dinner.  It is low calories/fat and really fills you up.  I will add the recipe in my main page.

Day One

Not off to a great start.  I want to wake up by 5am to get my workout in, but it is difficult to talk myself in to it. I will be doing my workout during nap time now.  30 minutes of continuous motion---walking video, 50 sit-ups and 8 push ups.  My friend Amy has planned my workouts but I failed to do them for the past few weeks so it is like starting all over :(

Today, like most others, is a day filled with food cravings.  I need to beat them, but I find it almost impossible.  How do smokers quit smoking, alcholics quit drinking and drug addicts beat the need for drugs?  This is how I feel.

This One is For You, Matt...and All My Other Faithful Friends

I'm embarrassed to say that I let the holidays get the best of me. I let my guard down and I enjoyed anything and everything....and way too much of it too. My clothes are too tight once again and I'm feeling so sluggish. My brother, for the last month, has encouraged me to get back on track. I, however, was enjoying (until now) being "bad". Again, my friends, eating in itself is not bad. The way I live is. Put it this way; would you take your alcoholic friend who is in recovery to bar and buy him a drink? NO!! This would set him back in his recovery process. I don't know when or how to say "when". It is frustrating, discouraging and debilitating to say the least.
So, as once again, I try to get on the wagon, I ask for your prayers of strength and endurance.

If you want to follow my weight loss, see the chart on the bottom left of my page.
I will be listing my goals and rewards for reaching those goals in my next post. I will also be adding what I ate and workouts I completed each day as to be more accountable.
Happy New Year and God Bless All Of You!!!